Roller derby poetry for #WorldPoetryDay

Today is #WorldPoetryDay, and our Maidens co-captain Puma Thurman wrote some AMAZING roller derby-themed poetry to mark the occasion.

The jammer

Skate fast and turn left

Reach the pack, juke past blockers

Speed away, points yours

---

The blocker

In the pack, bracing

For impact, jammer speeding

Catch them, they’re yours now

---

The pivot

Blocker with the stripe

Takes the star pass when needed

The jammer’s hero

---

And then there’s this clever acrostic:

Get your skates and safety gear on

Let us teach you how to go, and how to stop

At Glasgow Roller Recruits

Sometimes you’ll fall

Guess that’s why we practise it so much

One jam is 2 minutes, the jammer is the point scorer

Want to learn this all with us?

Racing around with your team mates

One big hit after another

Land on your arse, get up again

Land on your arse again

Explain to all your pals THERE IS NO BALL

Recycle the jammer, don’t let them pass the star

Don’t forget the officials!

Either on-skates or off

Really couldn’t do this without them

But I swear that wasn’t a penalty…

Yeah ok, I’ll go and sit in the box for 30 secs then

Glasgow Roller Derby at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival

I always knew we were funny, but on Mother’s Day we got the chance to showcase this on the stage of the King’s Theatre as part of the Glasgow International Comedy Festival 2023.

We were approached by Duncan Murray (the other Murray brother) to take part in his show to try and finally impress his mum Judy Murray (yes, that one). They’ve been doing a few bits on Tiktok for a while and they did a show at the Fringe, but this time they were in Glasgow, hosted by Des Clarke.

In a bid to show Judy how he really is just as successful and talented as Andy and Jamie, Duncan decided to try out roller derby, assisted by our lovely Head of Training, Snax! Honestly she did a great job, but there’s only so much you can do as I’m sure Judy would agree.

All joking aside, he was honestly impressive for a beginner, and took a pretty big hit from Snax in front of an audience and didn’t even cry. The whole show was hilarious and we’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for his other shows!

Duncan is also the Murray with the biggest feet, FYI.

Meet the GRD team: Puma Thurman

What's your skate name and number?

Puma Thurman 24

How long have you been playing roller derby?

9 years - started in 2014 when I was working away in Dundee, transferred back to GRR

What's your favourite thing about roller derby?

It’s the first sport I’ve ever stuck at for a reason - I love the attitude, the inclusivity, the level playing field from the start, and the teammates! It’s made me better at a lot of non-derby things too.

Who is your derby hero, or favourite team?

I’m terrible at these questions - I rarely have proper idols, and I mostly just love my own team, but Dundee and Newcastle will always have a spot in my heart as where I started, and my hometown team.

What’s your best derby moment?

Playing my first game for the Maidens - hadn’t a clue what I was doing, but had fun doing it!

What do you like to do when you aren't playing derby?

Reading LOTS, knitting, sewing, fixing things, podcasting (The Medical Take if you’re looking for some med ed), doctoring.

Tell us an interesting fact about you.

I’m awful at maths because I have to visualise the wee numbers moving around in space

Meet the GRD team: Fearless Fox

What's your skate name and number?

Fearless Fox 13 🦊

How long have you been playing roller derby?

I joined in 2019 sooo 2 and a half years if you take out pandemic time?

What's your favourite thing about roller derby?

Training bruises! So much I'm making an exhibition about them.

Who is your derby hero, or favourite team?

Us!...and Gotham City, absolutely fulfilled a bucket list item when I trained with them in 2021 for a semester.

What’s your best derby moment?

I think the best is yet to come! I'm so excited for the year ahead, finally getting a whole year playing actual games!

What do you like to do when you aren’t playing derby?

...fight in armour.

Tell us an interesting fact about you.

I am a found member of Scotlands first women's armour combat team The Infernal Unicorns 🦄

The Duncan & Judy Murray Show, King's Theatre : 19 March

Since you last heard from us, we've branched out a little from the whole skating thing to take up a career treading the boards! So this is it, goodbye from us and next time you see us it'll be fewer skates and more greasepaint and monologues.

JUST KIDDING but Snax is really going to be taking part as a special guest being interviewed in the Duncan & Judy Murray Show while the lesser-known Murray brother tries to gain his mum's approval. We're very excited - see you there?!